Pharrell Growing New Recording Artists in NC Lab
Virginia Beach native and recording industry mastermind, Pharrell Williams (of the Neptunes) recently made news that he was having his own skin grown in a North Carolina lab that will eventually be used in a groundbreaking grafting procedure to hide unwanted tattoos. What he didn’t tell us at that time, was that he’s growing more than just his skin. A-H-R investigative journalist, Ansir Pickenbauer III uncovered this story last week:
Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Snoop Dogg & Diddy… the list goes on and on of whom Pharrell Williams has made huge hits for. His witty hooks and charming looks add value to the already hip beats he produces. But he may be even smarter than we give him credit for. Pharrell has stolen DNA samples of virtually every star he’s worked with over the last 6 or 7 years. A source close to Williams confirms that the producer is nearing completion of a full replication of Britney Spears. “He figures she’ll be the first one to die, so Pharrell knows he’ll need another Britney to work with soon”, says our source. “There’s an R Kelly on the way too, but since R got acquitted of 14 counts of sexual abuse I guess he won’t be needing a new R Kelly”.
Williams is quoted as saying “Imagine what can be done with three Justin Timberlakes… one for music, one for comedy and one for the press”. While you and I might agree that’s just too much Timberlake, Pharrell is able to look further down the horizon and see the potential cash flow. Rumors that Pharrell is bringing back a postmortem Johnny Cash have been proven to be untrue. However, more realistic names are on his list such as Jay-Z, Madonna, and Chad from Alltel. Clones of Kellis’ breasts are strangely reported to be on the list as well.
